Nobody enters a relationship planning for it to fail, but sadly, many relationships fail. We shall seek to articulate a few reasons why this happens. First we must note that every relationship has the potential to either succeed or fail. The failure or success of a relationship depends of what those in it do with their lives. Domicile in the human nature is the tendency to act selfishly but it is up to each person to choose his path. Of all the factors that lead up to failed relationship, selfishness is the most potent. When the desire to find personal satisfaction becomes the overriding drive in a person’s behaviour, it cannot but lead to conflicts that can trouble his/her relationship. I once heard a young girl speaking to her boyfriend over what she called his “selfish behaviour” and she was getting fed up with that tendency. It was obvious to me that if nothing was done by the boyfriend to address his selfishness their relationship was on its way to a fall. Most troubles that occur in relationship have their root in the selfish attitude of one member of the relationship.
Another factor that leads to failed relationship is what I call unrealistic expectations. For example, when the man fails to make known his true financial standing, he opens the door wide for his wife to make demands that may be unrealistic when you take account of his financial position. Whatever the reason may be for unrealistic expectation, if not dealt with, can lead to the failure of the relationship. The solution to this problem is for those in relationship to be more transparent regarding their affairs.
If your relationship is important to you, you may need to consider if you are exhibiting any of these traits. Thanks for allowing me to share this message with you today and I pray that you will have the courage to do all that is needed for your relationship to head a healthy path.
Another major factor that is capable of destroying relationships: unforgiveness. We may want to note that as long as we operate in this fallen world and in this imperfect life, people will offend at one point in time or the other just as we will also do to others. Since this is true it behoves us to be armed always with forgiveness to give to those that offend us. Forgiveness is a healing balm to relational wounds and when it is withheld the wounds may fester into a failed relationship. To forgive a person of the hurt he/she may have caused you in the relationship is not only healthy for the relationship, but it is for you too. Everyone desires a fresh new experience in life but to have this desire and refuse to forgive those that hurt you is to say the least, unwise. It is like wanting fresh air in your lungs and refusing to breathe because someone offended you. What a self-harm.
The demand of God on us to forgive those that hurt us is not saying that we are not hurt but rather that we should not continue in the hurt. The only thing that has the power to bring us out of the offence and hurt is to sincerely forgive. To successfully do this requires that we stop rehearsing the initial offence, as a rehearsed offence never heals. It is like pinching an old sore each time you see the wound and expect it to heal. Healing doesn’t come that way.
